


Straight and Narrow

by Wierdowithagun



Series: Follow Your Arrow [3]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Bullying, Cutting, Depression, Fits of rage, Gen, Mental Disorders, Prequel, Tragic Deaths, Triggers, abusive foster parents, alchohol, emotional distress, mental breakdowns, other stuff i can't think of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-10
Updated: 2016-05-10
Packaged: 2018-06-07 16:21:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 22,338
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6812986
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wierdowithagun/pseuds/Wierdowithagun
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Prequel to 'Follow Your Arrow'.<br/>A look into the childhoods of Doctor Kakuzu Hoku and Hidan San.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Straight and Narrow

**Author's Note:**

> This took me literally a year to finish, though a lot of the time it kind of just sat there untouched and only recently did I get the motivation and inspiration to finally finish it.  
> WARNING! The characters and scenarios in this fiction are portrayed as realistically as possible, some readers might find it offensive.

 

 

 

 

_The young man stands on the edge of his porch_  
_The days were short and the father was gone_

 

 

 

"It's been raining for a really long time."  
She doesn't bother looking at her only child when he speaks, only stares at the window, watching the droplets collect and run down the pane with empty eyes. Dead eyes. Her body struggled on to live but the woman within had become a soulless husk long ago. Which is a shame, as she'd been a beautiful woman. In both persona and outwardly, he thought sadly. But the end comes for everyone, some sooner than they're ready, some are ready sooner...  
"It's going to kill the garden..."  
Still she didn't respond. He didn't know why he kept talking to her. Maybe for his own sanity, maybe to justify his anger, but more likely for no reason at all. Someone to talk to on this dark day with the heavens crying down on the pair of them, mother and son, locked away in a cold little cabin from the rest of the world for the moment. It wasn't right that everything else just kept going, that time kept itself dragging on, a bulldozer that refused to quit no matter how he begged and pleaded, no matter how he grabbed on firmly and dug his heels into the soil. It just went on, slowly, painfully on.

Their vegetable garden was keeping them both from starvation, as a 14 year old boy couldn't legally obtain money via a job, at least not one that paid enough to get by, though he did do a paper route over a small section of town where the houses were close together, he didn't have a bicycle or he could do more. And unfortunately school expenses, doctor bills, and utility costs always managed to suck up every last penny of what he earned doing other odd jobs around town. It was a legitimate thing to be mad at, but it wasn't as if the weather could be helped, or controlled, by anyone. It kept him in, on days like this. He warred with himself consistently, staring out there at the rain, as to whether he should risk going out in it to earn some more money, end up with pneumonia or worse, all for the sake of getting by another day.  
That's what others did, other poor souls like him with nothing to give and something to lose. The risked everything whether the chance was good or bad, just to see another day, another cruel, rainy day that was killing the garden he sweat and bled and toiled over at the peak of spring before the frost had ebbed away, when seeds hadn't gone up in price in tide with the season, when the earth was still hard and unforgiving on young, blistered and calloused hands.  
And now it was gone, simply because of the weather, something that was a waste of time to be upset over, a waste of energy. It wasn't as if it could be controlled...  
His mother, on the other hand, had plenty of control over her willingness to simply open her mouth and speak. To converse with him, to give him any sign that this struggle was worth something. She was sick, yes, _very_ sick. But her voice worked just fine.  
_"You will always find a way if you use your head and heart equally._ " She used to tell him, before the spark had ignited on the nuclear warhead of his life. _"The easy path is rarely the right one, but you will find a way._ " She was good at philosophical, cryptic wisdom like that. She had been, at least... back when she still smelled of dandelions, and had those white sticks with her all the time. Back when she smiled and laughed despite the bags on her eyes and how her hair fell out in clumps every time she brushed it. When she listened to everything he said, and responded, every time. Back when she always knew what to say, even if it didn't make sense to him, She always knew how to comfort him.  
Instead though, and like always, she remained silent, refusing to so much as acknowledge his existence.  
He bit back the anger. It was useless anyway. She didn't care for his emotions. Not anymore. She didn't care for anything anymore. She gave up her zeal for life long ago, along with the it the responsibility of being a mother to Kakuzu Hoku, effectively leaving him an orphan in every sense but a legal one. Or worse off perhaps, because instead of leaving or just dieing already, she left him with a husk that had a strong resemblance to the woman that had given him life and raised him for 12 years. 12 good years. Years in which he had not been spoiled with all the splendors of life, but had been provided everything he needed, morals and values included, and in his own opinion, the most important of everything.

  
_"Treat others well, it's always worth it."_  
_"Love unconditionally, and you will be loved so in return."_  
_"Respect and trust take years to earn and seconds to destroy."_  
_"Greed will always leave you empty."_

  
All things that now seemed very wrong to him. Nothing but the talk of someone in denial of reality. The people he associated with, going to lavishly decorated doors and across luxurious green lawns, the smell of home cooked meals that a family would sit down together to enjoy only to be interrupted by a poor beggar, asking if there were anything he could help with, anything at all.  
Well some people were kind, Some would offer him extra food from their dinners, and those were places he would make sure to go back to. But the majority of them grew tired of his persistence, and stopped giving anything away. Occasionally he was chased off the property, threats spewing from the mouth of once kind and generous people. It wasn't as if he just came and held out his dirty, grimey hands and expected a meal to be placed in it, he only asked if he could earn something, and he would do just about anything.  
Kakuzu _had_ done a little of everything, all the dirty little jobs those people thought themselves too 'good' to do, too respectable. From picking up shit in their yard from the family dog to scraping and painting a porch. Dragging himself on his stomach through a crawlspace infested with roaches and spiders to lay out poison to kill the rats, handling it with bare hands as he had no means of purchasing protection for himself. Breaking his back to haul feed to livestock, freezing in the cold of winter to scoop the snow from sidewalks.  
And he did it willingly, with determination, because such were the values and morals he was taught. If you worked hard enough, if you were good and worthy, life would give you what you need.  
It was these morals and values that would not allow him in good conscience to leave this husk of a woman for dead in order to preserve his own well-being with greater ease, like his father had done... To wash his hands of it, walk away saying _'It's someone else's problem now_.' How easy it would be to do that, for someone who might be able to. It wouldn't be someone else's problem though, as he was all that was left, as was she. Her, the house, the bed she lay in and the few other items that had been too necessary to sell and had withstood the years of neglect. He'd given it all to stay, because that's what he was supposed to do, that's what she had told him. Treat others well, love unconditionally, and it will be worth it.  
Not to confuse his feelings with love, no, he did not love this empty shell, this pathetic coffin that housed his mother's dead soul. The fire of love had burned out quite awhile ago, as an untended flame will burn out, or burn _everything_ away. He respected what she once was, perhaps, and from that found determination to stick around until her body finally followed to wherever it is her mind had gone. The struggles she went through to bring him here, to provide for him while his father laid around on his ass getting drunk, exchanging a family and house and life for a prison cell back and forth until finally he'd had enough of coming home at all. That hardly mattered though, The man had always been a failure, it could hardly be expected of someone like that to be a decent person. In all honesty he should be happy the man rid his company for them, it wasn't as if Kakuzu had ever recognized him as anything but 'father', a title the man wore but hardly deserved, and never was it more that just what he was called, that man that would come and go like the sun. Holding any hatred against him would be an utter waste.  
If anything, the boy might harbor a type of hatred for his mother. One that stemmed from the respect that didn't falter, that kept him from leaving, that drove him to care for her in an attempt to keep her alive when she so obviously had succumbed to death. He was trying so hard, now that he was older, now that he realized the meaning of it. Now that it made sense why she wanted him to be thoughtful and kind and loving, now that he knew what that smell was she had, what those sticks were she lit and inhaled like cigarettes, now that he knew it indeed was not 'happy medicine' but simply something to numb it all. He hardly could blame her, but at the same time... it was so very hard not to.

  
He tried so hard now, to be what she needed, to show her he listened, that he was acting in her lessons and heeding her wisdoms. And still she only stared out, refusing to care.  
_"You will find a way._ " She had told him, so often. He didn't even get that much from her now.  
She didn't have the right to go so easily. She had a boy to be a mother to. A responsibility to be selfless for the sake of her child. She fought the good fight for years and years and at the drop of the hat thought she could decide she had given enough? No. A mother does not stop being a mother until she is dead, and he would not let her go so easily. She didn't have the right. She couldn't treat him this way.

 

 

  
_There was no one in the town and no one in the field_  
_This dusty barren land had given all it could yield_

 

 

 

  
Instead he stared at the window too, watching the rain fall. Some of the plants might survive, the more mature ones perhaps... But the majority would be drowned out.  
Imagine that, killing a plant with water.  
Plants weren't resiliant, not most of them, not the young ones. They had to be mercilessly cared for to survive. Much the same were Kids, made of the same material... Weak, fragile, dependant, ignorant of anything around them except for the basic needs that must be met in the very moment.  
But not Kakuzu.  
He refused it, to be like that. He was surrounded by things drowning in weakness, plants and structures and most of all, people. The weather gets bad and they withered. Times got hard and they left. Their bodies grew sick and delicate, and they just gave up.  
But not Kakuzu.  
He wouldn't stand in that category of fools. He would not look to the sky and cry "Why me!?" He had come this far, he had done all he had done and only for the sake of survival, the sake of someone who couldn't care less. There was no need for such emotions, his mother's ideals truly were that of someone in denial, someone trying to hide away from ugly truths to save themselves the hard work of dealing with it, of _fixing_ it. It was a fruitless thing. Sadness, regret, _self-pity_.... pathetic. They had no room among one who was truly determined to live, to really live. _The easy road is rarely the right one, but you will find a way_. There was no room among his goals for such idiotic emotions, and did nothing but wasted time. He did not need to be tended to succeed, he was not weak, and he would strive for his goals, viciously if he had to.

He rose, wrapped in a cloak of silence, staring at the skeletal sack of flesh before him. For two years he did this, tended a dying garden, a dying family, a dying mother. Tediously he did it, religiously... with everything his body could withstand and more. He felt obliged, yes, he respected her. And perhaps there too was the hope that it would be worth it, as she so often said, that he would be enough, that he could fix everything himself. That she might just for a moment become coherent, and tell him some ultimate truth, something that made all the struggling worthwhile. She would lay a hand on his cheek and tell him how amazing he was, how grateful she was, take one last breath and pass away. Or perhaps he might come home one day and she would be out of that god-forsaken bed, away from that drafty window, with a cup of tea in her hands, pink again with healthy blood flow and meat on her bones. She would smile at him and say it was a test, and that he passed, and he would now be rewarded for all he had done, everything he'd sacrificed.  
But she didn't. She never said anything. She only stares at the window with those soulless eyes. Dead but not yet gone. Holding on for some reason he didn't know. Some stupid word she'd spoken of once about that stupid man that wasn't worth the energy of resentment.  
He didn't know what he was waiting for. She was already dead... her body just didn't seem to realize it. There was nothing more here. It snapped into him with forceful realization, though he only continued staring in silence. Seeing someone in such a condition... it churned somewhere deep inside him, boiling and squirming in its cage locked away far in the recesses of his sanity. Her only movement was the slight rise and fall of her bony chest, her ribcage looking like it might just tear through the paper-like skin and nightgown both.  
And he could not fix it, he was willing, he could try, but he did not know how. He _could_ fix her, make her better, give her more time to realize that he was here... that he was here and _father_ was not, that he was trying and _father_ was not. That if she had anything at all to hold on for, it was him, and him alone.  
"I... I can't..." He heard himself say, geeth grinding, that spring in his chest tightened, coiling down further and further until he thought he would surely suffocate and die right there from the pressure.  
He could fix her, if he knew how. If only he had the time, the means. He could make this better, he would do what needed done and show her his loyalty, his kindness, his unconditional love, if he had reason to. If he had reason to believe she cared.  
"I can't afford a proper funeral, ma..." Tighter and tighter, he would be smashed flat, there was a vaccum inside him sucking everything away, he would implode in on himself, and cease to exist right there and then.  
She didn't respond, she didn't move, she was gone, still there but not really. She didn't care... Who was to say she ever had? Perhaps all her struggling had only been for that man who also didn't care. Maybe the entire world operated this way, everyone giving everything they had for another person who didn't even care. A chain of it, linking everyone together in mutual misery.  
Well... lesson learned, he thought. Kakuzu refused. This was the end of the chain, he would break it. He would finish this task because he had come this far and invested this much in it and he would see it through to the end, as lackluster as the end would be... it would be his best. His last effort, the last he would ever give. Because caring was useless. His mother had said " _You get what you give_." She was a fool, and had knowingly lied through her teeth, trying to feed her delusions to a starry-eyed child.  
There is no one, nothing, in this world, that will fix your problems. When all options have fallen through, there was no more choice other than to let it be. And from now on, that's all it would be. Things would happen the way they did, or they wouldn't happen at all.

"Just go." He choked out, his chest burning fiery hot in the void of oxygen. "He's not coming back. You're waiting on nothing. Just go!" His eyes blurred and burned, everything burned, fire was all around him, covering him, consuming him.  
She didn't respond at all, and he felt the burn of anger rise further in him. His fists clenched, his body tensed. It seared his skin, his lungs shrivled, his heart pounded, he saw red. "Everything is dead. Everything but you. I'll have a clean slate once you get it over with! Just DIE already!"  
Still nothing.  
A deep growl permeated the room for a moment, so consumed was he in controlling this horrible sensation sweeping him, making his eyes feel like they'd pop from his skull, he wanted to rip open his chest and grab his heart and squeeze until it stopped its ceaseless thundering... Blind and panicking, again the growl, louder, more fierce. He whirled, unable to see. _There's something in here with me, come to finish me off._ He thought, over and over and _overandoverandove_ r. So consumed was he that it wasn't until a scream ripped out and tore the room in half that the pressure suddenly flooded out of him. His vision returned to show a destroyed room, walls broken and crumbled, destroyed furniture, torn up fabric, shattered glass, even the door hung askew on his hinges.  
A beast had come in here, he thought, looking down to find his hands bruised and bloodied, a few fingers crooked in places where they clearly ought not to. And with a slow, cool rush, he realized it had been him that made that noise. That he was whatever had come in here and wrecked the place, that he had indeed imploded and destroyed everything.  
He took a deep shakey breath, let it out, and turned to his mother, shocked nearly out of his skin to see her suddenly looking at him now.  
They stared back and forth, even the pattering of rain disappearing at this time. And he saw it all in her eyes, no longer empty. One tear managed to collect enough of itself to escape, and slide down the sagging skin of her cheek. Her mind had returned, the explosion shocked her back to her senses, and for a moment his heart lifted. Now she would speak, now she would tell him. It was there, but... he found himself unable to move, because more than anything else, awareness, love, even fear... more than any of that was pain, horrible unending pain reflecting off her eyes like mirrors. _'What have you done?_ ' They asked him, and he had no answer, only the keen awareness that a beast lurked in his shadows, watching him with cold, unfeeling eyes.  
She never said anything. Never made any other movement, all she'd managed was to flop her head to the other side and look at him. Maybe she'd been saving up her strength, just for the small movement. Two years of waiting for nothing more than a turn of the head... But instead of the anger, Kakuzu felt something else.  
"...Goodbye..." He heard himself whisper quietly, as the tear broke free of her body and dripped off onto the pillow.  
Her chest stopped moving.  
Her eyes went blank and cloudy.  
And suddenly he felt he might die too. This pain, this horrible, unreachable pain. Stabbing like no weapon he could ever describe down in the deepest parts of him, far deeper than any physical part of his being. His legs crumpled beneath him, and he clutched at himself, everywhere, anywhere, trying to find the source so he could rip it out of him. It was nowhere, and he settled for simply wrapping his arms around him in a hug, squeezing as hard as he can. He didn't know how long he was there, forever, it felt like, laying there on the floor, writing and crying, sobbing endlessly, screaming, anything. Nothing made it better, but it released that horrible, aweful pressure. And eventually he was able to pull himself back to a sitting position, it ebbed away, slowly, so slowly, as did the sobs, the tears. The pain lifted further, and he could pull himself back to his knees, empowered by this, he forced himself through it again, pushing it back.  
He shifted, inhaled through it, felt his skin crawling as he tried to will it away, he pushed and pushed and pushed, going so far as to contort his face and bare his teeth and growl at it, this beast, this demon, it wouldn't win. He'd come too far, worked too hard, done too much. It was her, his mother, trying to drag him down with her. He fought, silent and alone sitting there on the floor, staring blankly while everything in the world flipped upside down as he battled....and finally he did it, it slipped away, he rose to his feet.  
He stood staring at her, finally gone in entirety now. His heart thundered in his ears, like footsteps of a killer sneaking up behind him. He didn't have the energy to turn and look, or the desire.  
He exhaled, and there was that growl again. He closed his eyes, grabbing what was left and locking it away in the deepest parts of him, and destroying the key.

And then it was gone. Back to nothing. And he thought to himself, he preffered it this way. Anything else... was unbearable.  
It would be better if nothing ever happened at all.  
He would live his life, he would be successful, because no one would tell him otherwise, and that's it. He would do what he had to to get where he wanted, and make sure he never ended up in this position again. Nothing would ever make him feel that again. Nothing else would happen, he would make sure of it. It wouldn't happen, never again.

 

 

 

  
_I've been kicked off my land at the age of sixteen_  
_And I have no idea where else my heart could have been_

 

 

 

  
"Kakuzu?"  
He met the womans eyes, but said nothing. She didn't seem to notice, and held a hand out to him with a broad smile.  
"Hey hun. I'm-"  
"I don't want to know your name." He said quick and low, unflinching. The woman retracted her hand as if he were a rabid dog about to bite it off, staring in shocked confusion. He regarded her coldly, she didn't quite seem to get the picture.  
"Wh...What's that?"  
"I said I don't want to know your name." He repeated, just as emotionless as the last time, he glanced around the small dwelling, boredly eyeing all the clutter on the walls, ignoring the tightening in his chest. Pictures, collectables, shelves and cabinets lined with knick-knacks and all manner of fragile and breakable things.  
"I-I don't understand... why wouldn't you want to?" The woman stuttered out, glancing at the woman behind her who only shrugged, staring back with exhausted, bagged eyes.  
Doilies lay everywhere, delicate lace handkerchiefs placed on end tables, the backs of the chairs and sofa's, the rods of curtains, under the tons of little figurines. She was an older woman, probably safe to say in her late 40's, maybe 50's. It was perhaps logical to think she'd have certain things she'd give sentimental value to and hold onto over the years, but this amount of stuff couldn't fall into this category. This immediately struck him as a person who had no idea of what it was to be conservative of their own earnings and whisked away whatever they had available to whatever caught their eye.  
His eyes narrowed.  
"I'm only here until I'm old enough to file for emancipation. I don't want to make friends, I just need someone to serve as my 'legal guardian'." He stopped for a moment, taking in a slow breath, having to pour some of that damn pressure out. "This place is disgusting. How much money did you waste on all these useless things?" He said, gesturing. God, how hideous. Thousands of dollars lined the walls, _decorations_. There were 100 better uses for all her extra earnings that he could think of right off the bat than to waste away on the walls.  
Her mouth bobbed open and closed, eyes blinking quickly as she tried to find the words to reply. "Whell they're... they're sentimental, many of them collectable. Some of them will be worth double the money again in ten years."  
His brows raised back up high now. Ahh, a collection. That was a different story, that was money giving birth to money sitting on the walls. "Interesting." He said, void as usual. Perhaps he was wrong in his first assumption.  
"Well, I'll be on my way then." The blonde woman who'd delivered him here said, giving them both a wave and turning rather quickly to leave. Kakuzu's new foster 'mother' blubbered out some incomprehensible words before giving up any attempt to speak and simply watched the woman leave, shutting the door slowly afterwards.  
He waited for her to turn to him, holding his small tattered suitcase he'd been provided at the orphanage with his minimal amount of belongings in it. She reached her hand up to rub at the back of her neck, turning slowly, eyes closed and brows down low, until finally they flashed open and centered on him. They stared back and forth in silence for a moment, and he braced himself inwardly as her gaze flicked back and forth between his eyes, before she finally seemed to collect herself with a quick intake of breath, something akin to an intentional gasp.  
"Well... uh... I suppose I'll show you your room." She began walking toward a small set of stairs, he followed behind, relaxing. He had a medical condition, had always had it, he couldn't prove it of course as all memorabilia of his childhood had been burned away in that cabin, but honestly, didn't people ever get tired of obsessing over it?  
The hallway that lead to the two bedrooms and bathroom was just as thickly covered with the 'collectables'. "You have no husband?" He questioned idly as they passed by her bedroom, not seeing the slightest bit of masculinity anywhere inside. It would make sense, he assumed, no man would likely ever let his money be spent in such a way, he'd probably buy a barn, fill it with junk he'd never use and then leave it there to rot.  
For once she finally didn't seemed shocked by his blunt questioning, but perhaps this was one of the ones she'd actually expected. "No, he passed away about a year ago now, pneumonia got the better of him. Stubborn man refused to go to the doctor. Passed in his sleep."  
He only grunted in response, eyeballing his new quarters. As if her personal affairs were any concern of his. Just made it easier on him, not having someone trying to father him.  
It was a decent size room, actually perhaps a little too spacious for his liking. Wasteful, really. But that's what the abundance of money does. There's no difference between basic necessities and greed in the life of one not struggling to exist.  
He found himself moving to the bed, staring for a few heartbeats, then setting down his suitcase to run his rough hands over the bedding. He tested the plush comforter, pushing with one hand, then turning to sit down and suddenly before he knew what was going on he was laying back on it staring at the ceiling with wide eyes, enjoying the cradling of his tired body.  
Well, maybe a bit of luxury was necessary once in awhile. He didn't know beds this comfortable even _existed._  
The woman chuckled, "Well, I work the counter at the pharmacy 8-5 monday through Saturday. Church is at 10 on Sundays, We'll take you down to the tailors tomorrow to have a suit made up and show you around town. Sold the car a while ago to finish paying off the house so you'll be walking most everywhere. I'll try to have some sandwiches made up for you to eat after school, but I'll show you where I work, it's not far, you can always come by and I'll give you a dollar to get yourself a snack at the diner 'cross the street."  
He tipped his head up to look at her suspiciously. "Do you often leave those under your care unattended so often?"  
She shrugged. "Well you seem like a pretty reasonable young man. It was one of the reasons I decided to do this. The house is just too big for me all by my lonesome, Never did have any children... You lost your mother a year ago, I lost my husband, thought we made a pretty pitiful match. Seemed like God was tryin to tell me some'thin."  
"There's nothing pitiful about me." He growled suddenly, moving to his feet surprisingly quickly despite nearly being caught in the softness of the bed. She took a few steps back but managed to appear only minorly alarmed.  
There it goes, coiling again. This was getting damned inconvenient, the anger. "I have _no_ intention of filling some emotional hole in your life. I don't need a friend or new family, I only need someone to play the part until I'm of legal age to do as I please." He paused for a moment, considering. "And I'll _not_ be going to church. You want to waste your time and energy believing in something so ridiculous as religion you go right ahead, but I have more important things to do."  
He glared at her, stiff as if she had initiated some sort of challenge and he would have to fight. He tried to focus, to concentrate, his head was buzzing so loudly. Honestly, why wasn't she getting the picture. _You leave me alone, I'll leave you alone._  He didn't need another mother, and far from wanted one, why was that the first thing people assumed kids needed?  
But she only stared, first in shock and then it morphed into what he saw as disappointment. Well that was fine with him, he had no need to impress her, the more she disliked him, the better. If it were up to him he'd just rent out her shed out back, sleep on a cot, and go about his business with zero human contact, but unfortunately for him he was still considered a 'minor' and must be in the care of a guardian.  
Honestly he'd have rather stayed at the orphanage, at least among all the chaos there he was left well enough alone. Damn idiots... _church_. As if, there was no _God_ , and if there was he most certainly wasn't kind and loving.  
"I see." She said quietly. "Well, that suits me fine, so long as the rooms not sitting here empty... I'll leave you be then." She turned and left the room without another word, leaving him to stand there and glare at an empty doorway, infuriated for reasons he couldn't quite understand. But it was nothing a little bit of pacing and deep breathing couldn't help. They'd forced him at the orphanage to take anger management therapy in the year he was there, well, minus the first month it took him to get worked up enough at their blatant stupidity... He'd done it mostly just to get them to leave him alone. Sometimes though... very rarely... he might admit that it helped. As long as he wasn't too worked up beforehand, and there was no one else around, and no one spoke, and it was quiet....  
Eventually he cooled his boiling blood, this couldn't keep happening, not if he was going to be able to have any sort of successful future. Who the hell would hire someone that went into a berserk rage at the drop of a hat?  
He turned to glare at the door. He had to admit though, that had been painless. Perhaps a little too painless. He'd have expected more attempt at mothering out of someone who'd decided to adopt a child into their family, though he was far from a child. If that's what she'd been looking for she should have spent less time looking for someone who shared in her loss and gotten a younger child to dote on.  
It wasn't his duty to live up to her expectations, it wasn't his job to be her child, and he didn't need someone acting as if they'd saved him some tragic life by bringing him into their household and imposing all their rules and beliefs on him. He'd left all that nonsense behind. He had a clean slate now, and would hardly let someone else get it all dirty with their emotional baggage.  
Everyone had their own problems, _get over yourself_. He needed no one's approval or even company to get where he wanted. Her happiness wasn't his responsibility, and hardly his concern.  
Still, why was he so irritated by it?  
He shook his head, visibly pushing it from his mind. Step one, adjust the room to suit his needs. There was a dresser, a desk, a bed, a few generic pictures on the wall of scenery or flowers. There was a black and white one of a mother and son walking away down a dirt road, he immediatly removed it from the wall. The rest were just background noise, but that one was distracting.  
That's about all there was to the room, aside from a small closet nearly hidden behind the door. He put the picture in there and shut it, then proceeded to put away his few articles of clothing, also storeing the suitcase in the closet.  
And then he was done, there was nothing left to do. The sun had gone down, he supposed he could go to bed, but his stomache growled loudly, and with an irritated growl, he made his way back downstairs.  
His surrogate mother was in the kitchen at the table, drinking tea and reading a magazine. She only glanced up when he came in, her face still seeming to hold that sad expression despite the way she tried to plaster a smile over it.  
He regarded her in careful silence, then looked around. "Do you have a garden?"  
"Mm, no. Never had the time to tend it, Flowers take such devotion."  
He resisted the urge to roll his eyes. "I meant a vegetable garden."  
"Oh... No, never had the time really... Do... you enjoy gardening?" She asked, amusement slipping across her features.  
"Enjoy isn't the correct word." He said, trying to hide his deep breaths. What the bloody hell did everyone think was so funny about a man growing his own food? "Saves money, is all, if you know when to buy and plant. It's a profitable idea as well, with your lifestyle. Stop buying, sell the excess." He wondered idly why he continued in conversation, but it was important information. It was clear the woman was in no financial trouble, or if she was hid it extremely well. But he hardly intended to mooch from her, he was merely staying in her residence. He could damn well fend for himself, and she would learn that quickly, if she hadn't already. They wouldn't let him be self-sufficient at the orphanage, honestly there were so many children so much younger and far stupider than him there, even if he tried that, they would destroy it. And despite even the money situation, you never knew what you were getting from a store, a head of cabbage may look fine, but who knows what was sprayed or not sprayed on it, who knows if you'll pull back a leaf and find it infested with bugs, a stray dog may have pissed on it, there's no way of knowing.  
She stared at him expressionlessly for awhile. "I don't think I've ever met a boy your age so educated about finances. Especially not one who'd go near a garden unless it were punishment." He tensed again, though didn't feel that familiar burn. She didn't look at him as if she were going to make fun of him, her words lacked any sting or bite. If anything it almost looked as if she might be admiring.  
"Your mother must have been a grand woman." She said gently, sending everything crashing into a woodpile and fanning the flames.  
"No." He snapped. "She wasn't. And I prefer not to think about that part of my life, it's over with now."  
"Oh..." She said again meekly, that damn emotion still heavy in her eyes. "I see, she made you fend for yourself. My mother was that way as well, kept having children but had no intention of careing for them once we weren't cute little babies anymore. We became inconvenient."  
Kakuzu stared, angered further at this. Is this how it was going to be? Constant comparison? _Look how similar we are. Let's bond over our similar past situations_. He wasn't interested in that nonsense, apparently she wasn't going to get the idea despite him directly informing her he didn't want to talk about it. _Breathe in, hold, breathe out_. It was.... understandable, he thought. She would of course have to know a bit about him, though likely she read up on his file. Perhaps she didn't understand all the signs and cues she'd gotten so far, or maybe was blatantly ignoring them... Clearly though, the subject needed changed.  
"Do you have unused space where I can start one?" He asked, eyeing the back door. She seemed confused for a moment before her mouth popped open in understanding.  
"Oh! Ah, yes, there's plenty of room in the back. Make yourself at home."  
"This is not my home, it is yours, I'm only here temporarily." He reminded her once again. _Breathe... breathe. You're not breathing._ There she goes again. How many goddamned times would he have to repeat himself? Was he speaking another language? He didn't want to be friends, this wasn't his home, he wanted no family. He wanted nothing, absolutely nothing. Just short and quick answers to his questions without any of that bullshit on top.  
Calm down.  
He knew this would happen, this is exactly why he didn't want to come here. What was so damn wrong with growing up in an orphanage? He only had another year until he could go to the courts, sign some papers, meet with a judge, and then be out of there and on his way. What was the point of all this nonsense!? Why put him through this!?  
_Breathe._  
Again her eyes landed on him as she stared in speculatory silence. And he heard a growl.  
"I owe you _nothing_." He spat, his chest buzzing. "Just to be clear. Don't expect me to treat you as family, you're nothing but a stranger. The only reason I'm here is because you requested my presence, and I'm not going to pretend to be who you want."  
She was still silent. The coil tightened.  
"And _stop_ looking at me like that!" He barked, surprising himself. "I don't need your damn pity. I don't need your understanding, and definitely not your friendship. _You_ wanted me here, I don't _need_ you!"  
"Yes." She said calmly, "I understand."  
He ground his teeth, breathing hard, glaring harder. The nerve of this woman, expecting some perfectly well-adjusted child that could just prattle on about what they'd been through as if it were just harmless gossip. He'd only been here an hour, as if he could just suddenly feel comfortable in a strange place with someone he didn't know, let all his walls down. Is that what she expected? Fat chance. He could handle that, that's not even the worst part, but what was that damn _look_? WHAT WAS IT!? What did it mean?

  
_"What have you done?"_

  
He closed his eyes, grinding his teeth. Damn it all, he couldn't stop it.  
He opened his eyes, she still stared. His insides erupted.  
"You're all the same." He snarled. All these adults, looking down on him. _The poor child. The poor thing. The poor dear._ Poor poor _poor_. Just shut up. "You all think of yourselves so highly don't you? What a big person you must be to help someone in need, welcoming them into your big expensive home. Aren't you a _saint_? Well let's be clear on one thing, I don't want _anything_ from you, and I don't _need_ anything. You're not doing me any kindness. You have _no_ idea what's best for me. NO ONE does! Only I know what I want, and how to get there, you all have your heads too far up your asses to even think logically!"  
She got up to move her teacup and dish to the sink and rinse it. "Very well then." She said softly. "You'll get no sympathy from me, alright?"  
He stood shock still and blinked at her, speechless as this reaction. She was agreeing with him? She was complying? Doing what he asked?  
She turned around, leaning against the sink and drying her hands on her apron. "You'll be doing chores to earn your keep. If you want a vegetable garden you'll be earning that money yourself, I suppose first you'll have to buy a shovel, as the ground back there's pretty rocky and I won't be coddling you when you break your fingers trying to dig through that. I'll let you make your own lunches, and won't worry about leaving anything for you, I expect you to buy your own food, and I'll have to charge you if you use any of mine."  
He realized suddenly his lungs ached for oxygen, and sucked in a quick breath. Now hold on a damn second. What the hell is this about chores!? "You're an idiot if you think I'll be picking up after anyone but myself."  
She stared back, that same look, damn it. Damn it all, he looked away, he couldn't look at it anymore. "Alright, but I want you to do it  _diligently_. Wash your own clothes, clean your own dishes, keep that room tidy, I don't want any mud tracked in, if you do I expect the floors to be cleaned. Am I going to be reprimanding you if I see anything of yours laying about?"  
"Well of course you are!" He nearly shouted, pacing.  
"This honestly works out better for me. I am my mother's child after all, there's a reason I didn't have children, why I chose an older boy instead of a baby. You don't want to be treated like a child? Fine by me. You get your work done around here and keep your grades up in school and I'll leave you be."  
"Fine." He spat, recovered now. Yes, good, very well. This was exactly what he wanted. Good.  
"Fine. I'm retireing now, I assume you'll wake yourself up in the morning?"  
"Yes."  
"Alright then. Goodnight."  
"Yes." He repeated, tensing as she brisked by him, standing there long after the door had stopped flapping and fell still again. He listened for any crying or sobbing, and thumping to signal she was throwing a fit. There was nothing, absoloutly nothing, just silence.  
Good. This is exactly what he wanted. His chest was fine, no heat, no pressure, no headaches.  
Yes.... good.... good. Everything was so much easier when he was just mean. Maybe that's how he would keep back the anger, just refine it into general meanness. Perhaps this wouldn't be so bad, now that he'd gotten the message across, perhaps he could just stay here the average amount of years, until he was 18 instead of next year. After all, what point was there in getting settled in, started a garden, making things how he wanted them if he was just going to up and leave?  
Yes, it was only 3 more years, he could just stay, it would make everything easier in the meantime, as long as she kept her promise to leave him well enough alone. He was nothing but a customer, renting out a room at her place. That's all it was, no friendship, no feelings, no connection of any kind.  
Exactly what he wanted.  
Good.

 

 

 

 

_I placed all my trust at the foot of this hill_  
_And now I am sure my heart can never be still_

 

 

 

 

He was seeing red.  
There was growling and snarling, she shouted at him to calm down, screamed and sobbed. He couldn't even remember why it was he was so angry, something about being sick.  
_"I hardly expect you to just take it, but I have no one else to leave it to."_  
Those stupid plates on the walls, his vision centered on them and he lunged. Something wrapped around his arm and pulled weakly, he flung it off easily enough.  
_"I'm staying in the hospital for the rest of the treatment since it's likely it won't have any effect. I just really don't see the point in keeping a house I won't be living in."_  
The stupid figurines, the pointless landscape photos and framed needlepoint. He ripped the doilies from their places and tore them to shreds, roaring in fury when they refused to give away. The sound of someone sobbing loudly only fueled him more, and he turned on them, stalking over.  
_"What do you mean you don't want it? You'll need somewhere to stay for another year until you graduate. Then you can sell the damn thing to pay for more schooling!"_  
He hovered over her, much thinner than she'd been when he came a two years ago, much more gray hair. Her face was buried in her hands as she sat in the chair, her body jerking in time with her sobs.  
"What the bloody hell do you have to cry about!?" He snapped. "You don't need any of these do you? What are you going to do? Put them all in boxes and stack them in the corner of your hospital room?"  
"I don't care about that you little ingrate!" She screeched at him, jumping to her feet despite the fact that he was two feet taller than her and far stronger. Puberty had been kind to him, or perhaps not so kind, given his anger issues, he'd rocketed up in height and girth like a football star in the span of two years. She curled up a fist and beat at his chest, and he let her, it wasn't as if it hurt in the slightest. It was taking everything he had not to strike the frail old woman in his anger.  
How dare she, how dare she just up and start speaking to him like that out of the blue. About dieing, cancer, liver failure. You don't do that to him, not to Kakuzu. She should know that!  
"You and all your damn anger! All this time of you just soaking in your misery and solitude, the only thing you ever feel is rage. God forbid you be understanding even though that's all you ever demand from me!"  
"I NEVER WANTED ANYTHING FROM YOU!" He bellowed down at her, tight, so tight. It was going to explode and he would destroy the house again.  
"LIAR!" She screamed right back at him. "Since the second you set foot in this house you have pushed me back, held me at a distance. If I didn't do as you wished you'd launch into one of your tantrums."  
"I wanted nothing more than to be treated like a respected human being!"  
"YOU WANTED TO BE TREATED LIKE SHIT!" She screaming, looking almost as if her eyes might pop right out of her skull. Her punches slowed but she kept at him, he held his hands firmly at his sides, trying to breath, trying to focus on keeping it in, hold it back, condesnse it down, shove it back in that door, lock it away forever.  
"You were twelve! Twelve! I don't care what your file said you died when you were twelve and all that was left of you was this shell that you filled up with all the ugly broken pieces!"  
His jaw was locked shut, he held himself still with iron. If he opened his mouth now it would all come out, he would implode again and everything around him would be torn to pieces.  
"You can't ask someone to treat a child like that! No boy that age should ever request such a thing! You're so damn obsessed with being in control that you've suffocated yourself! Locked yourself away in this tiny steel box and threw away the key!"  
"Spare me your psychological _bullshit_ woman!" He snarled through clenched teeth, the more she spoke, the redder everything grew, he couldn't see, he could only feel her small hands pummeling him, like a declawed cat batting at a string. "Why must you and everyone else seem to think that controlling yourself is irrational? If you knew how to control yourself you wouldn't be in the mess in the first place!"  
"EXACTLY!" Finally he caught her wrists in his hands, stopping her movements. She fought for half a second and then collapsed back into the chair, and he let her.  
"Kakuzu..." She said weakly, clearly trying to control her breathing.  
He stared at her for a moment, blood boiling, until something caught his eye, and he turned to observe the room.  
It was destroyed... When had that happened? The walls were bare, every item on them had been thrown about, the glass of the china cabinet was shattered, everything on the insides was in pieces, littered about the shelves and down onto the floor. All the furniture lay around, some had holes, torn fabric, broken legs. Delicate lace was strewn all about.  
"K..Kakuzu..." He turned back to her, heart beating slow and hard. What was happening here? He hadn't even imploded yet, why was everything broken?  
She was wheezing hard, her skin a sickly yellow, more so than it had been.  
_Everything was dieing again._

_"What have you done?"_

  
Her breathing grew louder, raspier. She looked at him with that look, and he closed his eyes tightly, sucking in a breath and holding it. He scooped her up, she was so light, so light. There was nothing there, she was already gone.  
Push it back, beat it down, grind it into the soil. It will come back, it always comes back, but now is not the time. _Control yourself Kakuzu, breathe._  
The hospital was over 12 miles away, half an hours time, there was no doctor stationed in town, one simply came by every so often. All that was here was a nurse who could do no more than tell you whether you probably needed to see a doctor or not. It was ridiculous, really. Thirty seconds could determine whether someone would live or die, thirty minutes was like a death sentence.  
_"What have you done?_ " He whispered to himself, not knowing why and unable to spare himself the through process to questions it as he tried desperatley to remain calm and numb. That was the longest drive of his life.

 

 

 

 

_So collect your courage and collect your horse_  
_And pray you never feel this same kind of remorse_

 

 

 

 

"I had hoped to be around awhile longer. I had hoped, being the sharp boy you are, you might open your eyes and see. All those _things_ , they mean nothing. Absolutely nothing."  
"I agree, you're wasteful with your money." He said robotically, standing next to her in her bed, hooked up to all manner of wires and tubes. He must not let himself feel, he must not think. Think about something else, thing about the future, he had no time for sadness, regret. He had plans, a path he intended to take, everything was planned, controlled.  
There was only 6 more months, 6 months until he graduated and he would finally be off to college, he could finally start making _real_ progress. He would finally no longer be helpless in these situations. He could do something about it, control the situation.  
"That's not the point! Don't you see boy? It all means nothing. How you lived, who you were, what you do, how you treat people... Nothing matters!"  
"And _that's_ why you're blubbering? Of course I know that why do you think I don't bother with any of it!" _Be calm_ , he told himself. This is a test, stay calm, be level headed. You're in a hospital, this is where you'll be for a good majority of your life pretty soon. Numb it down, lock it away, _breathe in, hold it, breathe out._  
She was silent now but for her harsh breathing, and he quickly averted his eyes from her face where her skin sagged. Every time he let his gaze linger on her he only saw red. She tipped her head up and stared at the ceiling, her breathing shuddered, and he tensed in his position, firmly locking his eyes on the wall, knowing she was crying.  
"I suppose... I didn't make a difference at all did I? I suppose... that's the way you wanted it, isn't it?"  
"I told you two years ago exactly what I wanted." He said, voice cold and hard. He refused to let her words past. He would rather look at her face, pummel the furniture again, burn the goddamn house to the ground than allow her to make him feel that again. He wouldn't let her. She had no right to treat him this way, she had no right.  
Push it down, lock it away. _Stay calm, breathe._  
"Just stop. I don't want the house, I don't need favors, I'll stay at the motel until graduation and then I'm leaving anyway." He said. He couldn't let her past, he'd said this from the start, she wasn't a friend, she wasn't family. She had never bonded, he'd learned her name of course through living there with her but intentionally shoved so many other names into his head that he now couldn't quite recall which one actually belonged to her.  
He let his eyes slide down the wall, turning and beginning to pace. He couldn't look at her, couldn't speak to her. Why was he here? Why was he so _weak_!? Damn it all, he'd prepared for this, done everything right, kept her away, done his best to make her dislike him. They had hardly talked in the two years he'd been here, this wasn't fair, how could she do this to him? She didn't have the right. He wouldn't let her.  
"Why are you so afraid of favors! I told you you could pay for it! I don't expect anything back! Just let me do _something_ for you!" She rasped out.  
"No!" He barked, whirling around. "I don't need anything from you. I've earned everything I have and that's the way I like it. I don't want the damned house and all that useless shit to clean up."  
"You think only of yourself." She said quietly, looking at him again, that damn _look_! "You weren't so cruel when you came... you shut yourself off completely to everyone and everything, heading down that damn path of yours, do you even know where you're going? What do you plan to do once you get there?"  
"I'm going toward _success_ , I don't need a plan for afterward, I can do whatever I wish." He growled back, half-turned toward her, glaring, just glaring. His chest coiled again, it hurt, fuck. It really hurt. Ignore it, push it away, he wouldn't let her, he would never feel it again. He'd promised himself.  
Suddenly her expression softened. His eyes widened, and he stared back, letting himself see, staring there at his mother, dying, staring, saying nothing. He held her gaze, fire growing inside him with each passing second. He held it, he wouldn't be a slave to emotion, not even anger, no force on earth could control him, he was Kakuzu Hoku, he needed no one.  
There it goes, it's going to burst, so much pressure, everywhere, there was a knife inside him, attached to a spring, it was pushing in deeper and deeper. He wanted to scream, he kept his mouth shut.  
"You always look as if you're about to cry." She said, voice cracking, more tears sliding out again. He blinked in surprise, then stared cautiously. He wouldn't fall for any of these waterworks, try as she might.

  
_Shut up, just shut up and die already, get it over with._  
_What the hell are you waiting for?_  
_Breathe, breathe, stay calm._  
_Go away, just leave. Leave me alone._

  
"Windows are the eyes to the soul, they say. Yours always look as if they're crying. I only wanted to help you understand, but I'm clearly not the one to teach you."  
"It's a medical condition. Stop your nonsense." He said softly despite himself, looking away. He wouldn't let her words in, he wouldn't fall for it. Not again, not ever again.  
All he'd ever wanted, something to know it was worthwhile, his mother couldn't give it to him, and now she, his surrogate mother, was doing the same. There was nothing, He could not fix her, nothing he'd done made a difference, everything ended the same. There was no ultimate wisdom here, there was no lesson to be learned. Everything, all the lessons, all the morals, they were wrong, everything was wrong. She was dying again, he could do nothing, as hard as he'd tried. He still couldn't do it, despite working as hard as he could.  
God, the pain, it was tremendous. He locked his knees, he would not let this happen again. Stand strong, beat it back, you're a man now, act like it. Grab it, suffocate it, beat it down, condense it, throw it in a tiny little box, lock it away forever.  
"Just... try to make at least one friend Kakuzu, in your life. Someone who's loyal, and boasts the qualities you lack. Someone similar enough that you can stand them, but different enough to maybe change your point of view from time to time. Just one, that's all. Make one friend, reach out just once, and life will point you down the  _right_ path."  
He stared at her, he wouldn't let her in. He wouldn't fall for it. It wasn't true, everything he was ever told was a lie. It couldn't be true, it would change nothing. He just needed the anger, he needed to be mean and nasty, keep everyone away. He would be an adult soon, and never have any reason ever to have to befriend anyone again. Why the hell would he put himself through it? So they could die too?  
His hand moved on its own, without his consent, raising up to his chest, clutching at his heart as if he could just grab it. He squeezed harder, _shut up shut up shut up_. Lava filled his insides, lava and pressure, he would erupt like a volcano. He couldn't take it, he had to stop this.  
"You can change someone's life forever just by being a part of it, contributing nothing. Rob yourself of that if you wish, but don't make everyone else suffer. And I hope that maybe you'll understand before too much of your life has passed you by."  
He turned and stomped away, unable to withstand anymore of this asenine yammering. Life was no fairy-tale, it was just more pointless ramblings of a woman in denial, trying to find some meaning to a meaningless existance.  
He wouldn't fall for it. Not again, not ever again.  
" _Goodbye..._ " He heard himself whisper, shutting the door softly behind him.

 

  
He imploded twenty seconds later in the parking lot, was nearly sent to prison for destruction of property. Sentenced to anger management therapy. It ended quickly enough, and he continued on, wiping everything completely from his memory but for a summary of what happened.  
He had no time for such things, he had more important things to do. Far more important.

 

 

 

_Seal my heart and break my pride_  
_I've nowhere to stand and now nowhere to hide_  
_Align my heart, my body, my mind_  
_To face what I've done and do my time_

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

  
_Well you are my accuser, now look in my face_  
_Your oppression reeks of your greed and disgrace_

 

 

 

  
"Mommy?"  
It was really quiet, its never this quiet. Or maybe it is, he just never paid attention before. Mommy usually woke him up to come eat breakfast, but she didn't today. Daddy was gone when he woke up, 'at work' mommy always said, wherever that was. He wouldn't be here, like usual, but Mommy was always here, she was always around, she never left him alone.  
Tiny bare feet padded into the kitchen, and he sucked in a breath as he stepped from the fuzzy carpet to the cold linoleum surface. The kitchen was empty too.  
"Mama!!" He cried out, hungry. The sun was bright already, making four little squares on the floor from the window. He walked over to stand in them, making a noise of contentment at the warmth. He sat down, giggling when the heat soaked through his p.j. bottoms onto his butt.  
It was still so quiet. She had to have heard him, she should be in here by now. His stomach growled, and he looked around at the cabinets. He was a big boy, he could get himself some food, then mommy would be proud.  
He rose from the warm square of light and shuffled over to the table, grabbing a chair and jerking with his entire body weight to drag it over to the fridge. The cereal was up on top, Mommy usually wouldn't give him the yummy chocolate stuff until he ate the yucky food first, but she wasn't here, was she? If he was going to be a big boy and cook breakfast, he should get to make what he wanted.  
He lifted a knee up onto the chair, and hoisted himself up, giving a frustrated growl when he still wasn't tall enough to reach.  
"MOM!!" He shouted now, as loud and demanding as possible, waiting for a few seconds for a response. Still nothing.  
Well... He tried. Now she couldn't get mad at him for climbing or eating the chocolate. Tentativley he raised his other foot to the back of the chair, stretching to reach each hand as far as he could, still just barely big enough to reach the sides of the fridge. With the bit of leverage he pulled himself up, nearly slipped, but caught himself, and reached for the cereal.  
He could almost reach the box, so close, if he could just stretch a little more...  
Then the phone rang, disturbing the utter silence of the house so abruptly that his body jerked in surprise, he lost the little balance he had, and crashed to the floor.  
Wailing as the pain sliced through his head, he cried out for her again. Still she didn't come, when he saw the red dripping onto the floor and cried for her even louder, she still didn't come. When he put his arms to his head where it hurt and they came away wet and red, he screamed with all his might, and still she didn't come.  
The phone rang against his screams, bouncing off the empty walls into his ears, he screamed more. Where was she? Why wasn't she helping him? It hurt so bad, he was so scared...  
He pulled himself up, still wailing, and hobbled over to the phone, picking it up and putting it to his ear, "Mommmaaaa!?" He cried, not recognizing the male voice that questioned him back.  
He shouted it again, and again and again until he was screaming into the phone. Until he couldn't remember what was going on, until his head hurt more than anything he'd ever felt in his life, until his throat was raw and the voice had long ago stopped speaking back at him. He was alone, mommy wasn't here, no one was. And eventually he grew far too tired to keep crying, and he crawled to the corner of the room, curled into a ball, and whimpered himself to sleep.

 

 

 

  
_So one man has and another has not,_  
_How can you love what it is you have got?_

 

 

 

  
"Not now Hidan."  
"But I-"  
"I don't want to hear any buts!" She shouted over the screaming toddler in her arms. "Whatever you need just do it yourself, you're old enough."  
He stared up at the big woman trying in vain to quiet the child, rocking back and forth with the babe on her hips, shouting out to other children to stop doing something or to hurry up and get something done.  
"I just wanted to tell you his diaper is full..." He mumbled, watching her walk away, the child's screaming echoing in his ears, bouncing off the walls and bringing tears to his eyes for reasons he didn't understand or reflect on. He drug his arm across his face to try in vain to wipe them away, giving the child another lasting glance before he turned and went to sit on his designated bed. The mattress was practically paper under him, and he felt the hard wires of the bed frame beneath, but it was better than the cold, dirty floor.  
"What are you doing?" The woman posing as 'caretaker' today suddenly barked at him, having snuck up on him after apparently abandoning the screaming child in one of the other rooms.  
"...Sitting?" He questioned to her. He hadn't been here long, only a few months now. He'd come here thinking this was the home of his 'new mommy,' as the nice lady with the bouncy brown hair had said that always came to visit him at the other place he'd been at. There were a lot less kids here, and they weren't all bedded together in the same big room... but it was a lot less... well... a lot less of everything, really.  
"Are you bein' a smart-ass? You were supposed to do floors today."  
"But I couldn't find-"  
"Did I not just tell you to quit with the buts? I don't want sass, I want you to do what I ask you to do."  
"I know but I don't know where-"  
"Hidan!" She barked, making him jump and stare up at her with wide eyes. "Do the floors, eat supper, sleep in your bed tonight. Don't do the floors, eat nothing, sleep on the floor and give your bed to someone who earned it. Your choice. I don't have time to argue with you."  
With that she whirled and left surprisingly fast for someone with so much girth.  
He watched her go in shock until he was sure she was gone, then his face twisted in anger. "I don't know where the _stupid_ broom is!!" He shouted, jumping from the bed and kicking at the wall.  
It wasn't fair, it wasn't his fault, that older kid Brian kept picking on him. Always keeping him from doing his chores. He'd gone down looking for the broom earlier, the 10 year-old had laughed in his face and shoved him, only laughing harder when he struck his elbow in that sensitive place and tears welled up in his eyes. Then he'd turned around and told him "He should sleep on the floor like the dog he is. " and run off with his buddies. The boy had been constantly picking on him since Hidan had first showed up and the children avoided him like the plague because they'd never seen a child with colorless hair, pasty white skin and magenta eyes. Apparently it had been unanimously decided he was actually a dog in human skin.  
He stared down at the corner where the wall met the floor. "I hate this place..." He mumbled, sniffing and then making a face of disgust as he quickly wiped his eyes. The other place hadn't been nearly as bad as this one, They'd all had chores to do, just the same. And if they didn't they were put in the corner, or denied a snack after dinner. He'd always done his chores, because dessert was his favorite, and he'd never had any problem with the other children picking on him, most of them hadn't even been able to talk yet. Such young children don't have much sense of time, but in the two years he was there, it hadn't been too bad, and he missed it with a painful passion, though made sure to keep it locked away deep inside. If the other kids saw him cry, He'd be eating his meals off the floor for a week.  
This place, this _stupid_ place didn't make any sense. He was supposed to do as he was told, but was prevented from doing so when he tried. He was asked questions but not permitted to answer them. He was punished for the mistakes of others.  
The crying of the toddler echoed out into the halls, and he jerked toward it, frustration flareing up even further. Quickly he stomped out of the room, three feet down the hall and shoved open the door from which the sound came. With full intent to yell and vent his anger he barged in, and stopped short when he met the toddlers eyes, red and teary. They stared at each other for a moment before he exhaled the breath he hadn't realized he was holding and walked over to the crib. The baby whimpered and held his arms out to him, fingers grasping at the empty air.  
Hesitating, he stared back, chest hurting in a way that made him conciously have to remember to breathe. "You hate it here too huh?" He whispered, not sure why he felt it neccessary to keep it a secret that he was in here. "Nobody listens... Nobody cares."  
He was just tall enough to reach his arms over the edges of the crib, hook his hands into the toddlers armpits and drag him over the bars.  
The kid was heavier than he'd expected, and he fell backward onto his but, clutching the babe tightly to him. It only whimpered a little as he straightened himself and looked at him. They stared back and forth at each other, studying, until the smell of the childs diaper reminded him of the whole cause for this problem. His nose wrinkled at this, and he set him gently on the floor to his side, hopping to his feet to search around for the supplies, opening cabinet after cabinet.  
He'd watched the lady with the bouncy brown hair do this a hundred times to all the babys at the last place he lived. And the hardest part was actually finding what he needed, especially when he took the toddlers pants off only to find the insides smeared with poop and after slowly but successfully changing him having to scour the room for something else to put on him.  
After managing a feat like this, he was feeling pretty damned proud of himself, and rather happy again. Maybe he didn't get the floors done, but he'd still helped do something, surely the big woman would appreciate it and finally let him explain himself and he wouldn't have to sleep on the floor tonight, cold and hungry.  
He couldn't find any pants for the baby, but he did managed to yank the small rag out of the crib that served as a blanket and wrap it around him.  
"See?" He told the baby, hobbling with the weight of the child to the corner of the room and sitting down with his back against the wall. The baby hadn't cried throughout the whole ordeal, just staring at him in silence with big inquisitive eyes, and this both elevated his pride and angered him. "Not that hard. Just had to listen. Dunno why the heck they have all these kids and don't even act like they want them..."  
The baby didn't answer, only stared back.  
"You just want someone to pay attention, huh?"  
Still no answer.  
"Yeah... me too...." He paused to think about this, shifting the toddler so that he laid on his side against Hidan's chest. Squirming for a moment to get comfortable and stick his thumb in his mouth, the baby gave a sigh, and fell asleep. That quickly, that simply.  
He smiled for a moment. "Lucky for you I'm here, huh?" He stared down at the peaceful scene, his chest starting to hurt again. He winced, and forced himself to breathe through it. Well.... at least he wasn't the only one in this hellhole.

Ten minutes later the door flew open, and the big barking woman was shouting before he even knew what was happening. Faster than he could react the baby was pulled from him and put in the crib, screaming again now, he was yanked off the floor so roughly that he heard a harsh pop in his shoulder and cried out in pain, receiving only more incoherent shouting and another sharp yank. He bit his lip this time instead of making any sound, fearing any more reprimanding. He continued biting his lips when he was dragged into a small, empty room, given a blanket that was even rattier than the baby's had been and the door was slammed, leaving him alone in pitch black darkness, a sharp clack signaling the lock of the door.  
He screamed and cried until his brain pounded against his skull and he was too tired to continue, eventually curling up in the corner with the rag, staring, wide-eyed, into the darkness.  
The baby was gone the next day. The big lady said he had found a new mommy, the same as the woman had told Hidan before he came here. His chest hurt again, but this time he forced it away, refusing to acknowledge it. Caring only ever caused trouble.... He'd be better off if he just stopped. Everyone would.

 

 

 

  
_When you took it all from the weak hands of the poor?_  
_Liars and thieves you know not what is in store._

 

 

 

 

**Happy Birthday Hidan!** The card read in scrawled child's print. There was no signature. He stared at it in confusion, flipped it over to the front again where a happy bunny seemed to be exploding from a birthday cake with the words 'Some-bunny loves you!' above it. He opened it again, studied the sloppy letters, then glanced up to peer around the room. The other students were at their desks, scribbling away on their books, except two girls in the back who were whispering to one another.  
He let his gaze linger on them for a moment until the girl with bows in her braided pigtails met his eyes. Emotionless, he held her stare, and when she did the same he wiggled the card in his hand and took on his previous look of confusion.  
Her nose wrinkled in disgust but her cheeks reddened and she quickly ripped her eyes away and buried her face in the workbook.  
For a moment he continued staring at her in confusion until his brows dropped, realizing she wasn't going to look at him again. He jerked back around in his seat and glared at the card, laying on top of the pages of his workbook in the same place as he'd found it.  
**Happy Birthday Hidan!**  
He'd gone to sleep last night to the usual sound of the fat man snoring in his recliner with the volume turned loud, strange sounds of women who sounded as if crying but kept saying things like 'yes' and 'more' and 'harder.' He'd woken up this morning the the usual sound of the same fat man yelling in his little kitchenette, loud clinking and water running and swearing and more clinking and luckily for him only one coffee mug was dropped to the floor and broken. That meant he was in a good mood, if the cup was only dropped and it was only one. If they were thrown against the wall or it was more than one then that meant it was going to be a bad day.  
He'd done his best, as usual, to stay silent and get dressed quickly and snuck out the door and waited on the porch for the school bus. Today had been pretty nice because he'd actually found a shirt with only one stain on the inside of the sleeve to wear, and it hadn't smelled too bad, nothing that couldn't be fixed by rubbing a little of the bar soap he kept in his satchel around on it. It smelled really good, like cookies, or maybe cake. The only pants he could find were the same ones he'd worn yesterday but that was a good thing again because yesterday wasn't a school day so no one would know. And most of the day the children had opted simply to pretend he didn't exist instead of the usual bullying. Only once had an older kid called him 'whitey' while passing in the hall.  
All in all, it had been a pretty good morning, no one had even said anything to him on the bus during the _whole ride_!  
But then he'd come in and sat down, the old lady had come in, Mrs. Krump, and sat in her chair and adjusted her tiny little glasses and told them to open their books and that's when he'd found it.  
**Happy Birthday Hidan!**  
He continued glaring at it, angry now. Of course someone had to ruin his day. Who gives a birthday card and doesn't sign it? He twisted for just a second to look at the girl again, finding that she had been staring at him only to quickly look away when he caught her, her cheeks tinting again.  
His eyes narrowed, and in another moment her eyes flicked back up only to find him still staring and then she frowned deeply at him. He mimicked the face, and her eyes went wide and she leaned over to her friend and whispered something, nodding to him.  
The other girl looked, made a disgusted face and rolled her eyes, mumbleing back. Both girls giggled and buried their faces in their books again.  
"HIDAN!"  
He jumped in his seat and whirled. The other children 'Ooh'd' and snickered, smirking at him as if happy to see he'd gotten in trouble.  
"Eyes on your own work!" She snapped, slowly rising from her seat with her eyes glued to him.  
He kept his mouth glued shut, quickly trying to hide the card in his cubby so he could turn to the page they were on, which was impossible because he hadn't been paying attention to what they were doing anyway.  
"AH ah AH!" The teacher snapped, shuffling down the rows. "Is that a note young man?"  
"No! I just found it-"  
Her birdlike hands reached out and snatched from him, sending a sharp pain through the tip of his thumb. He hissed and clutched it to his chest as she adjusted her glasses and scrutinized the card.  
"Mmm. Oh, is it your birthday Mister San?"  
He didn't respond, as he was currently stareing at his digit and the nearly invisible little line that was ever-so-slowly turning red. A tiny bit of blood slipped from it and pooled into a drop and then stopped there. His eyes, wide with shock, remained frozen on it.  
"Well then... Happy Birthday." She said, flipping the card shut and placing it back on his desk. "But that doesn't mean you can get away with whatever you want today, young man. So I suggest you open your book to the _correct_ page," She hunched over, licked her thumb, and flipped the pages for him until she came on the right one. "And keep up with the rest of the class." She nodded, the faintest lines of a smile on her face for a millisecond, until she finally seemed to notice his injury.  
"Oh my. You boys are so clumsy." She breathed out, snatching his hand in her talons and bringing it closer to her face.  
"You better put a band-aid on quick Mrs. Krump!" One of the other boys said loudly, "Before he turns us all like him!" Obnoxious laughter filled the room, the pigtail girl didn't laugh with the rest of the class, only stared straight down at her book.  
"Hush and worry about yourself!" The teacher snapped, going back to examining the papercut.  
His breathing, which he hadn't realized had been growing rapid, increased as he drew in a sharp breath, ripped his hand back and swung, the image of the fat man suddenly the only thing he could see, shouting at him and swinging at him with that leather belt.  
"You made me bleed." He heard the fat man shouting, swinging again and again. " _You disrespectful, worthless piece of shit! You think it's funny boy!? I'll show you what's to laugh about! Lets see those mutant eyes glare at me after this!!"_  
He heard the other children shouting, which was strange, because only the older son who was never home anymore lived with him at this house. This sounded like a lot of kids, and why were there girls screaming? It must be on the t.v.  
He closed his eyes like usual, put his hands over his ears. "Leave me alone." He whispered, as usual. "I hate you.... I hate you..... I _hate_ you." Over and over again, until it stopped, and all he heard was silence but for the occasional distant rustling of papers.  
He blinked his eyes open, slowly uncovering his ears, and looked around.  
This wasn't his usual hiding spot in the back of the closet.  
No wait... That's right, he was at school. He looked down at his hands, recalling that it hurt and now didn't, and found a band-aid wrapped around it. Again he blinked, looked up, and without thinking hopped off the bench and went over to peek out the doorway.  
The school nurse sat at her desk, scribbling away, and he couldn't help but stare for awhile. She had this long brown hair, pulled into a sloppy bun at the back of her neck, but a few pieces looked like they'd been pulled loose on accident and hung down over her face, outlining her green eyes with the dark circles beneath them.  
She glanced up for just a second before returning to her paperwork, then jumped a little and looked up at him, gasping and putting a hand over her chest.  
"Goodness Child! You nearly frightened me to death!" She laughed out.  
Hidan didn't reply, only looked around.  
"I forgot you were here, imagine that. Honestly I'd forget my own head if it weren't attached. Are you doing okay now hun?"  
"No." He said, suddenly angry again, though not understanding why. "I hate it here."  
"Oh? Why's that hun?" She said, setting aside her papers and giving him her full attention. This irritated him for some reason. How could she not understand? Didn't she know why he was here?  
Wait, why _was_ he here?  
"Because no one listens. No one cares." He said cautiously to her, staring in suspicion until her brows creased in concern. He took a step back and balled his fists. "Not like I care though. Who cares about them? Doesn't matter to me."  
"Oh?" She says again. "Well... Your father didn't answer our calls. Mrs. Krump suggested you get a whippin' and be expelled but I convinced her that that was a bit rash. Sooo... I supposed that means that I care, doesn't it?"  
"Yeah, a lot of people say that." He crossed his arms as he spoke, looking around the room. "And he's _NOT_ my dad."  
Her eyes softened for a moment as she studied him, taking a long, slow breath. He only glared back at her.  
"So, Hidan. Today is your birthday isn't it?"  
"So?" He snapped back.  
"So, are you going to have a party?"  
"Pfft. In my dreams..." He said absentmindedly, then realizing what he said. "Parties are for baby's. I don't want a stupid party."  
She stared at him again that same, unreadable way. "What about a present?"  
He grimaced at her. "I already got a card."  
"So you did. Who was it from?"  
"I dunno."  
"You don't know who gave it to you?"  
Rolling his eyes, he flopped back into one of the seats across the room from her. "I just said I don't know." Silence followed as he studied the checkerboard tile on the floor. "Well, That one girl kept looking at me."  
"Which one?" The nurse asked gently.  
"I don't know her name, she always wears her hair in stupid braids though."  
"Well why don't you ask her after school?"  
He snorted.  
"What? Why couldn't you do that?"  
He looked at her in confusion. "Why would I?"  
"Well so you know who gave it to you of course."  
"Who cares who gave it to me?"  
She laced her fingers together on the desk, looking concerned now. "Well You say no one cares but apparently someone cares enough to tell you Happy birthday. Wouldn't you like to know who it was?"  
"No." He said so quickly and decisively that her eyes blinked wide.  
"Well why ever not?"  
"Because I don't want to."  
"Why whouldn't you Hidan? You just said no one cares, but someone does. You can't complain about something and ignore when someone tries to help."  
"The only thing that happens when I care is bad stuff."  
This time she actually sat back in her chair from surprise. "What on earth would make you think that?"  
He only sighed heavily, squirming in his seat. "Can I go now?"  
"Not until the final bell. You _did_ strike at a teacher, and used horrible language."  
He jumped from his chair defensively. "Only cuz she hurt me first! That's what happens when you're out-of-line! You get a whoopin'!"  
He paced, suddenly feeling very ill. his heart pounded and his eyes felt like they might bug out of his head. He sniffed only to nearly choke at the snot that flew back into his throat and when he blinked something ran down his cheek.  
"Hidan....?" She said quietly, suddenly beside him. "It's okay hun, calm down."  
"NO!" He shouted, leaping away from her. "Leave me alone! That's what happens when you act outta line! You get punished! That's what happens when you don't listen!" His voice shrilled higher and higher, his lungs burned, and he searched around frantically for his closet.  
She said something else and reached out, barely able to brush her fingertips over his shoulder before he jerked away. "I hate you!" He screeched, slamming his hands over his ears. "I didn't do anything! Leave me alone! I HATE YOU!"  
Then it was gone. His eyes snapped open wide and flicked around the room as he sucked in each breath as if it were his last. Warmth encased him, softness. "It's okay honey." Someone whispered in his ear. "We'll get you out of there... Don't you worry."  
The bell rang, shocking him back to the present, and he blinked into awareness. The nurse was hugging him. What the heck was going on?  
She leaned back, still holding his shoulders. "It will be okay Hidan. You have someone who cares about you okay?"  
With weak, shakey hands he pushed himself from her, unable to form into words why that didn't make sense, why that was most certianly not okay. "Can I go now?" He said, confused when his voice cracked.  
She stared at him for a long time, so long that he ended up averting his eyes to stare at the floor again, gritting his teeth. She sighed. "I'm sorry you're going through this. I know it's hard to believe, but I know what it's like."  
"Leave me alone..." He muttered, clenching his eyes shut.  
"You don't have to push everyone away Okay? I know it's scary, but you have to make connections where you can, it's the only way to get through it. It's only for 8 more years, then you'll be a grownup, and you won't ever have to be scared of it again."  
He couldn't force the words out, his stupid eyes kept going all blurry.  
"You have a happy birthday Hidan. I'll see you tomorrow, okay? Would you like to start coming here for lunch hour?"  
To his surprise, he nodded.  
"I can try to help you make sense of things. You come back here tomorrow, okay? We can find out who wrote you that card. Maybe that girl was just to shy to tell you. I betcha she likes you."  
His nose wrinkled before he could consider this. "Gross!"  
She chuckled at him and then stood up, brushing off her white skirt. "Alright, go on. I'll see you tomorrow, don't forget."  
He stared at her for awhile, too confused to return her smile. His chest hurt really bad, and his eyes. He wiped a hand across them quickly and sniffed again, turning to leave. He was almost out the door when he stopped and peeked back in at her quizzically.  
"Don't forget." She said, still smiling.  
He could only nod, closing the door and moving hypnotically down the hall, still stareing at the floor.

 

  
Bright flashing lights woke him up that night, and a lot more yelling than usual. The door to his room was kicked in, he knew that sound all too well, and he squeezed himself as far back into the closet as he could get. He was found despite his efforts, and carried out of the house when he refused to come out willingly or remove his hands from his ears. The fat man was in the backseat of the car beside him, shouting and pounding on the window. his face so red and contorted in his rage that Hidan flailed from the arms he was in, fell hard to the ground and scrambled up to run. He didn't make it far as the agony that shot through his foot was soon unbearable and he could do nothing but crumble to the ground and scream.

  
He was shouted at and dragged by one arm kicking and screaming into the back of a car where he quickly shoved himself onto the floorboards and curled up. He didn't remember the rest of the night, only that he never saw that nurse-lady again.

  
**Happy Birthday Hidan.**

 

 

 

 

  
_There will come a time I will look in your eye_  
_You will pray to the God that you've always denied_

 

 

 

  
"I know Ann, but I really don't think this was a good idea." One feminine voice said to the other gently on the other side of the wall. Hidan listened, arms crossed and his back leaned against the hard surface, face kinked into a grimace.  
"Maybe not for _us_. But for him it's a miracle."  
"If that were true he wouldn't give us so much trouble."  
"Any foster child is going to be trouble. Any child in general is trouble. Just because someone is difficult doesn't mean you give up on them."  
Hidan scoffed loudly from where he was, silence fell heavy in the other room until a soft sigh whispered out and his name was called. He walked stiffly around the edge of the wall.  
"Hidan.." The curly-haired redhead said to him, eyes soft but expression hard. "We need to have a talk."  
He rolled his eyes, but stayed quiet.  
"You're almost thirteen, which I think is more than old enough to know better than to hit someone."  
"Self-defense." He spat.  
"Then why is he the one with all the bruises!?" The brunette interjected hastily, cocking her hip. "And do you care to explain where the hell _these_ came from?" She snapped again, ripping a worn and beaten pack of cigarettes from the table where they sat after they'd been found in his room and holding them out to him.  
"What the hell do YOU care!" He barked back. "You don't even want me here! What difference does it make to you!?"  
"LISTEN HERE YOU LITTLE SHIT!"  
"WHY DON'T YOU BITE ME!"  
"YOU NEED TO LEARN SOME FUCKING RESPECT YOU LITTLE ALBINO FUCK!" She shouted at him then turned to the redhead. "I told you you should have at least got a girl, this kid's so full of testosterone he can't even think right."  
The redhead, Ann, stared hard at her lover. "I'm used to dealing with stubborn impulsive people." She said, her words like ice. The other womans eyes widened marginally, then squinted again before she turned and stormed from the room, mumbleing under her breath.  
After a short silence and a heavy sigh, she turned back to the boy.  
"Hidan..."  
"Yeah, yeah... just tell me my punishment." He grumbled, crossing his arms. What difference did it make? What would she possibley do? Banish him to his room where he spent all his free time anyway? Maybe she'd ban supper, not that she was ever home to make anything anyway, and that sack of booze she called her girlfriend was never sober past 5 o'clock.  
"Or you could tell me what happened?" She replied, raising a brow.  
"Orrrr..." He dragged out sarcastically. "We could skip that crap and just give me a punishment."  
"Why don't you want to explain your actions? How can I punish you not knowing if you were in the right or wrong?"  
He blinked at this, stiffening. "What?"  
Her crimson brows creased in confusion. "Well you said it was self-defense, didn't you? So did he hit you or what?"  
He stared at her as if she was speaking another language.  
She snapped her fingers, whistling. "Hey! C'mon now Hidan. Just tell me what happened."  
His eyes darted down to the floor. She sighed and sat back, grabbing her tea and taking a sip.  
"He called me a fag." He mumbled.  
She spent two minutes choking on her drink, reaching out to grab his shoulder to either support herself or keep him from leaving. Probably both.  
"What the hell!? What for!?" She questioned shrilly.  
Frowning heavily through his urge to laugh and respective embarassment, he shrugged his shoulders.  
"Because of us?!" She demanded, obviously referencing her and her girlfriend.  
He shoved away from her. "No! He's just a dick with a smart mouth. Someone needed to pop him. " He growled. "I'm leaving, I'll just ground myself."  
"You don't just beat on someone because they said something you didn't like Hidan." She said quickly, getting up to block his path. He glared up at her, still a good foot taller than him, however skinny and dainty she may be.  
"I've been letting him call me Quetip since I started at this stupid school!"  
"...Hidan..."  
"I don't care if they gang up on me for that I'm pretty used to it. Now I can't even go to the damn bathroom without wondering if I'll get beat on!"  
She stared hard at him. "See this is why I wanted your side. I'll call the principal-"  
"Yeah yeah yeah. C'mon seriously! Who cares!? Just call the stupid people and tell them you want a girl instead!"  
"That's _not_ what this is about Hidan!"  
"I don't give a damn!" He shouted right back. "Don't put on this stupid act I'm not some stupid worthless kid. I don't need your freaking pity! You don't want me here, I'm too much trouble. All you gotta do is make a phone call Jesus lady just take the easy road, seriously."  
"Hey!" She growled, looking at him with fire in her eyes, and despite himself he tensed so badly that he was unable to move. She stared him dow like that until he realized he hadn't been breathing and forced air into his lungs. His entire body shook visibly as he let it out, though not in fear.  
"Do you like boys?"  
This took him so far off guard that he actually lost his ability to stand for a moment and crumpled to the floor.  
"WHAT!?" He snarled and jumped back to his feet, fueled by anger that wasn't helped by the fact that she burst out laughing at his little fall. "What the hell are you _talking_ about!?" He continued.  
"Well what else would you be so hesistant to talk about it for? I saw you blush!"  
"THAT WASN'T A BLUSH I WAS PISSED OFF!"  
"Oh come on Hidan. You're thirteen now, that's about the right age. You never have so much as spoken a word about anything remotely similar to a girl. You've been here for three weeks and haven't gotten into an actual fight until someone called you a fag even though you just said you've been bullied the whole time!"  
"You idiot! I was hitting on his girlfriend!"  
"Oh? Is she pretty? What's her name?"  
"I don't freaking know I was just doing it to piss him off!"  
"Why were you trying to piss him off?"  
"Because I hate him!"  
"Uh huh. Or is it because you _like_ him?"  
"HE'S JUST AN ASSHOLE AND I WAS BORED! If I'm gonna get my ass kicked anyway I might as well give them a reason to do it!"  
"Oh Hidan how cute, your first crush." She said, lacing her fingers and holding her hands by her cheek.  
"Shut up! Jesus Christ what the hell? I'm leaving."  
"Look he's so embarassed. Little Hidan. This is too precious. Let me take your picture hold on."  
"FUCK OFF!" He shouted, shoving her and running past before he could hear her shouts of protest. He made it to his room but hadn't quite slammed to door before he hear her shout something about language. He ripped the wooden chair he used to lock the door from the closet and shoved it under the door handle, then lept across the small space to throw open the window.  
Ann was beating on the door now. "Hidan Please don't throw a fit I'm sorry okay!? I didn't mean to hurt your feelings just calm down and come out everythings okay. I'm sorry!"  
He stared emotionless at the door, trying to control his breathing. "Leave me alone."  
"No." Came the sharp reply, shocking his eyes wide, he welcomed the anger, fuck it, this is stupid, why the hell was he even here?  
"Stop fucking acting like you care! I'm not stupid! It's only a matter of time until you'll get rid of me, You don't have to go to so much trouble. "  
"Hidan, seriously, watch your fucking mouth okay? I can handle damn, hell, and piss but quit dropping the fucking F-bomb. You're fucking thirteen."  
He stared at the door in confusion. And people called _him_ crazy.  
"And you're right, I'll drop the act. I was trying to be all motherly and responsible cuz I figured that's what you needed but you're right, it's just an act. Okay? Truth is I don't know what the hell I'm doing, I'm just trying to fucking help. And don't fucking repeat me okay? They'll say I'm unfit and take you away."  
During the rant he had moved up onto the bed and had one leg out the window until her last sentence, then he froze. "Take me away?"  
"Yeah, Hidan. Look, I was a foster kid too, believe it or not. I know that most of the places you've been, all you were to them is extra money in their pocket once a month and a nuisance the rest of the time. But they're not all bad, Some people _really actually_ want to help.  I'm one of them. I know you're probably not gonna fucking believe a word I say, and I don't frankly really care. I just wanted to help, to make a fucking difference to at least one person in my life before it's over."  
Every other word of hers sent him rolling in another wave of confusion. "I don't need your help. Helping only ever makes everything worse. Leave me alone and I'll leave you alone."  
"Hidan move this goddamn chair or I swear I'll make you go to church again this Sunday."  
"WELL I FUCKING LIKE CHURCH SO FUCK YOU!"  
"STOP FUCKING CUSSING AT ME GODDAMMIT!"  
"GO TO HELL!" He roared, shoving himself so forcefully through the window that he wasn't able to maneuver his body in time to land on his feet. A sharp pain sliced through his thigh but he didn't even notice it as he sprinted away as fast as he could. It wasn't until after he had hidden out behind someones shed at the edge of the woods that he noticed he had a thick chunk of glass from an old broken beer bottle sticking out of his leg.  
He stared at it, gasping for air as his lungs tried to remind him that he'd lived in a house with chain-smokers for three weeks.  
"I don't need her to care." He breathed to himself, absently reaching up and pinching the protruding object. "I don't need anyone. No one cares. She's just lieing. They're all lieing. It's always just bullshit and lies."  
He slowly pulled the glass from his flesh as he talked, wincing only slightly at the tugging pain. As soon as it was out the wound erupted with blood, quickly drenching his entire pants leg and pooling in his shoe, which prompted him to remove the clothing, though doing nothing to stop the bleeding.  
"I'm not gonna believe it. Not again. It's just lies." He whispered to himself, awestruck at the sight of the still bleeding cut. Gingerly he raised his hand to wipe some of it off, his fingers were quickly dripping, and somewhere in the back of his head he thought maybe that was a pretty bad cut and he should probably do something about it. But the front of his mind only sat in awe.  
_Look at that. There's so much._ "It's so... " He trailed off, unable to think of words anymore as he watched it run down his fingers. His eyes flicked to his other hand, still holding the large shard, then to the blood on his fingers. Tentatively, he lifted his fingers and licked them, eyes instantly going wide. his other hand tightened around the jagged edges, and with no more than that bit of pressure, the crimson liquid slowly began running down the emerald-tinted glass and dripped off.  
" _Fucking_ beautiful."  
A light clicked on in his head, and suddenly he started to chuckle, escalating until he was laughing at himself hysterically.

  
A few hours later, Ann burst into the trailor where he had limped back to, shouting incoherantly with tears in her eyes, until they landed on Hidan, sitting calmly on the couch. Immediatly she began berating him for all of a second until she saw the amount of blood on him and launched into a series of frantic questions, pulling him with all her weight off the couch and having to get behind him and shove to get him out the door and into the car so she could speed to the hospital.  
She never stopped bawling the whole way, even though Hidan just smiled, calm and silent, and assured her everything was fine. As she was helping him limp into the emergency room, mumbling to herself about how they were going to take him away for sure now and she didn't know how she was going to live with herself and how the HELL had this even happened and various other things said far too quickly to respond to, he laughed a little bit.  
She snapped her head to him, completely traumatized. "What the fuck could you possibly be laughing about you demonic little shit!? Fuck! How you could you pull this shit with me and then fucking _laugh_? Jesus christ you're evil incarnate!"  
"...I was trying to get his attention." He said quietly.  
She stared at him in complete bewilderment as they loaded him onto a stretcher, inspecting the wound and barking orders at each other. "Wha-... Who? That boy?"  
"It's okay. I totally get it now. I feel so much better." He said calmly against the background noise.  
"Hidan you've lost a lot of blood okay?" She said softly now, holding her hand to his cheek. "Please just hold on okay? I'll be waiting right here when they get you all fixed up. Then we're gonna have ' _The talk,'_ and everything will be just fine. You'll be fine."  
"I don't care!" He said excitedly, laughing. "I just don't care anymore!"  
They wheeled him away as she watched, holding her hand over her heart, the tears had begun to fall again.

But she was still there when he came out. She was still there.

 

 

 

_Then I'll go out back and I'll get my gun_  
_I'll say, "You haven't met me, I am the only son"_

 

 

 

  
She called for him. At least that's what it sounded like. Maybe he was hearing things?  
He dropped the burlap sack from his shoulder, it thunked to the ground, the metal tools inside clattering together, and he put his fingers to his lips, shushing it as he swayed in place.  
Never in a hundred years would he have ever thought that beer was so great.

 

_"Hey kid. You been workin hard, here."_  
What he thought was a can of soda was tossed to him after he'd finished pushing that stupid heavy mower across the man's lawn, clipped around all the edges of the sidewalk and fence, and pulled the weeds from the thin strip that ran along the front of the house filled with mostly mulch and some sporadically placed bushes that they called a 'garden'.  
Sweating in the blistering summer heat, burned lobster red from the sun (Though he had intentionally not brought sunscreen and taken off the shirt he was forced to put on before he left) and panting from exhaustion, he hadn't even taken a moment to look at it before popping the tab and chugging it down. Only after he'd instantaneously drained half of it and took a moment to catch his breath and bite through the brain freeze it caused him had he realized that it didn't leave anything close to the sugary taste in his mouth like soda did.  
Finally he looked at it, seeing a very familiar logo and nearly hitting the man who'd given it (and was also paying him 10 bucks a week to 'work the lawn') in the face when he yelped and thrown it away.  
"Yeesh! The hell's a matter with you!? Wasting beer like that. Damn kid." The man shouted at him, grabbing the can before the entirety of the contents inside spilled onto the concrete.  
He sucked in a breath to shout right back and internally kicked himself, counted to ten extremley quickly, and dropped his head. "Sorry Sir. Alchohol is the devil's drink."  
He was studied skeptically for a moment before the man grunted and poured the rest of the discarded can in his mouth, swallowing hard and grimacing. "Shoulda figured you for a choir boy."  
Hidan breathed in deeply and released it. "I'm not sir. But all I've ever seen that stuff do is turn people into monsters."  
He was surprised to hear a bark of laughter in reply. "Nahh. They're just doin' it wrong. Hey how old did you say you were?"  
"Sixteen sir." He blatantly lied, not that telling the man he was actually 14 wouldn't help this current situation, but Ann had said that if they thought he was younger, they wouldn't take him as seriously, and they'd probably try to rip him off and pay him less for the work he did.  
"You never had one before eh?" He took another gulp of his own after asking.  
Hidan only shook his head, wringing his hands. His mouth was so dry, he really just wanted a soda, but Ann told him to be careful asking for things or they might try to rip him off by subtracting whatever he asked for from what he was owed. And of course today of all days he left his water bottle at the trailor (this one unintentionally).  
The taste lingered on his tongue, making him feel sick, but the drips of condensation running down the side of the can in the rough hands of his temporary boss kept drawing his gaze.  
"I ain't got anything else since the missus left. Just have you one, I won't tell your mom." He took another drink, squinting hard at Hidan when there was no reply. "And damn kid, go hose yourself down, you look like a little devil."  
He considered this, chewing on his lip. "Maybe one... sir..." He mumbled.  
_"Attaboy. A workin man deserves himself a little drink after all!"_

 

Yeah, she was definitely calling him.  
"Shit." He mumbled, stumbling forward. Surely it wouldn't matter, Ann constantly had a stock of alcohol in the freezer, stuff much worse than a little beer.  
"WHAT?" He shouted back but already making his way down the hall to her bedroom.  
The sound of hard gagging came as a reply and he froze, trying to recall the time. The sun had just started to set, if he remembered right, usually she wasn't wasted until a few hours later. Only for a second did the fear last before a smile stretched across his face. Well good, if she was drunk she wouldn't be able to even tell.  
Using the wall for support he continued down to the bedroom and rounded into the bathroom, stopping in his tracks once more.

 

  
_Blood._

 

  
_There was blood on the floor._

 

  
"Hidan." She said from the toilet, slurring and breathing heavily. He couldn't seem to process the thoughts for words, and so didn't reply. She heaved again, thought nothing came out but a small trickle of pink. She took a moment to catch her breath again before twisting to him, eyes wide.  
"Hidan I need you to do something for me, it's really important okay? I know you're probably really tired.... God fucking Dammit Hidan why won't you just fucking wear sunscreen!?"  
His mouth bobbed open and shut, still no words.  
She groaned, resting her head onto her hand. "Nevermind. I need you to go to Shizune's and tell her to call the hospital, Tell her to come over, and I want you to stay there for tonight okay?"  
"Wh-what's going on?" He meant to say calmly, though it came out more as a whimper.  
"I'm not really sure bud. It's okay though, I'm a little sicker than usual is all. Just go get-" She was interrupted by another heave.

  
He turned and ran. The neighbors said to stay calm before making a call to 911, though the kind woman repeatedly told him it was just the hospital. She rushed over, telling him to stay there at her house and help himself to the fridge. He managed to count to 100 just like Ann had told him to do when he started feeling 'an attack' coming on, but he didn't make it a single second past that.

  
Sirens blared through the air, and the next thing he knew he was in the woods again, dodging trees, leaping over holes and logs and roots, stumbling through the tall grass and buildup of leaves. He chanted under his breath to the erratic beat of his feet crunching across the ground. _I don't care. I don't care. I don't care._

  
Eventually he finally stumbled enough to fall down. And stayed down, staring at the forest floor with wide eyes, wheezing in the oxygen that seems reluctant to enter his body.  
"Take it back." He whispered, nearly incoherent. "Take it back. I haven't done anything. It's not my fault!"

  
The knife Ann still didn't know he had sat heavy in his pocket, he tried to ignore it.  
"I don't care. I don't care, I'm sorry. I don't care. Don't make me care!"He ripped the object from his pocket, unfolded it, held it to his arm, his hands trembled so hard he could hardly hold it. It slipped from his grasp onto the ground and was lost among the dead leaves and brush, of course he'd have a  _brown_ fucking knife.

" _FFFuck!"_ He screeched, Tears finally escaping him and running down his cheeks, stinging his sunburn.

  
She was still here, after two years, she was still always here. He forgot to be careful, he forgot to remember she could leave at any time. He forgot, he just forgot. It's his fault, this is all his fault. He forgot to not care. He did this, it was punishment.

  
"I DON'T WANT IT!" He screamed, punching at the ground. "TAKE IT BACK YOU ASSHOLE!"  
This is what he got when he cared, when he forgot to not feel. When he got careless, this is what happened. He caused it...... it was the beer! It had made him feel so happy, so chipper. He'd told the man about Ann, about how he was trying to help her make money so she could stop working so much. How she was getting so skinny, having fainting spells, the dark purple bags under her eyes, all the hours she spent in the bathroom, blaring music in her bedroom, always telling him everything was fine.

  
_"I hate it."_ He'd ranted. _"She thinks I'm a dumb kid. Like I don't know what's going on. She's drunk all the time, always throwing up, crying in her bedroom. Tell's me she's just not feeling well. No one gets sick that much! She's ALWAYS sick!"_

  
He punched the soil again, screamed once more.  
Right, that had to be the problem. He caused it, he had to... he had to... He had to stop caring, and she'd come back and everything would be fine. He had to stop right now.  
A switch flicked on, and he shot up, racing back toward the trailer.

 

The sirens had gone, the house was empty. He didn't hesitate, running to the freezer, tearing it open, grabbing the first bottle his hand landed on, ripping off the lid and bringing it to his lips.  
It burned, but that didn't matter. Pain wasn't important, he needed to feel nothing. Nothing good came from careing, so he'd make himself numb. Drown it all out.  
The liquid hit his stomach as if he'd just swallowed glass, he kept drinking. Nothing mattered, nothing mattered, he just had to stop feeling.  
The bottle emptied, he grabbed another and repeated the process. His insides lit with fire, and he smiled at it. Good, bring the pain, he deserved it, he enjoyed it. Pain was all that made sense, he had to be miserable, or everything would keep going wrong. Happiness is evil, bring on the pain.

 

  
He remembered nothing of the rest of the night, he was told at the hospital that he'd been there for three days, that he was lucky to be alive. He couldn't understand most of what anyone said to him, spent most of the time sleeping, trying not to care. Ann came to see him once, she looked worse than ever for the second he allowed himself to look at her. He couldn't look at her, knowing what he'd caused, knowing he would care. He shouted, told her to leave, and when she wouldn't he told her he hated her. He couldn't let himself care, he repeated over and over, pleading up at the ceiling. He would take the pain, he would take everything. "Kill me if you have to." He said, looking up, his hands clasped together in prayer.  
She cried most of the time, telling him she didn't know what to do. Telling him she wanted to take him home, that she was fine and they could go home and it would all be okay if he would just stop. He didn't let her near, he said he wished he would just die.  
They kept him there for two more days, Ann came only once, and said she was sorry.  
"You're going to a place they can help you. And I'll be waiting for you to come out, okay?"  
Hidan went to a place called Viridian Mental Health* after that. He recalled very little of it, moving through the days in a haze, and when he was finally released, a stranger was there to pick him up.  
He refused to go to the funeral, covered his ears when they tried to explain what happened to her, told them he didn't care. He couldn't care. That no matter what, from now on, nothing mattered. He would never care again.

 

 

 

  
_Seal my heart and break my pride_  
_I've nowhere to stand and now nowhere to hide_  
_Align my heart, my body, my mind_  
_To face what I've done and do my time_

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

  
_Well, yes sir, yes sir, yes, it was me_  
_I know what I've done, 'cause I know what I've seen_

 

 

"You're an idiot." Kakuzu grumbled out, placing a cup of coffee in front of his friend, currently holding his head in his hands. A miserable groan was all he got in response.  
"I told you not to stay too long. You're not in High school anymore Kisame, really."  
"Totally worth it..." The dark man moaned, muffled through his hands.  
"You should be focusing on your studies. Did you not tell me exams were in two months?"  
"That I did Kakuzu..."  
"Then straighten the hell up. You'll end up at a dead end job at this rate."  
"Awe c'mon man, just cuz your almost out of your twenties doesn't mean you can boss me around. Live a little. Grouch."  
"I make three times your salary in a month than you do at that Pizza shack, you know why that is?"  
"Yeahyeahyeah, ' _Fun is a waste of time._ ' He mocked, finally sitting upright to grab his coffee and take a sip. "You're not one to even preach, I remember taking care of you for a few of your hangovers. It was like babysitting the Anti-Christ!"  
"I also _planned_. I had my fun by working with a schedule, you just skip off with any moron that waves a little alcohol in your face."  
Kisame only let out a long, obnoxious groan.  
"Hurry and sober up Hoshigaki. I have to be back on the floor in half an hour."  
"Slave driver, you are. This is racist."  
"There's a long line ahead of you if you wish to officially file a complaint. Probably a days wait." He retorted, giving probably his only friend (And by 'friend' he meant the grown man whom he babysat on occasion) at the moment a half smirk, then checking his watch. "Hurry up or we'll miss the bus."  
Rolling his eyes, the younger man pushed himself to his feet with over-exaggerated effort. Kakuzu followed silently out the door and down the corner to wait at the bus stop, paying only enough attention to his surroundings to not run into anything. He was on the last year of internship at the general hospital, after which he would become an _actual_ doctor, licensed, experienced, ready to go, A few years of residency was all that was left and it was out of this bustling, fast-paced city for good. He was sprinting toward the finish line of his goals, after that was hopefully smooth sailing for at least a little bit, calm enough to relax for just awhile, find himself a home and a good little town to settle in, he despised city life with a fiery passion.  
He sipped his own coffee as they stood there, lost in thoughts that ranged from the plans for the future to his patients awaiting his return from his lunch break, -Girl with Leukemia in 7a, the results were surely awaiting him at this very moment, then he would have to verbally walk her through the treatment. The sweet but infuriating elderly woman with the beginning stages of Alzheimer's in 9d who couldn't recall telling Kakuzu about how her beloved Lucas(who was actually a cat despite him thinking it was her grandson before she'd told the tale 6 more times) had been about to be hit by a car and she fell down the steps of her porch trying to get the driver to stop and broke her hip. The short and pudgy man with the balding spot, never married and still lives with his mother, checked himself in with a UTI that was probably seconds away from shutting down his kidneys, then forced Kakuzu to talk him down after bursting into tears and declaring he should have just let it kill him as he had nothing to live for. The nerve, this was a hospital, here to treat the physical body, it was utter nonsense he was constantly berated for not being 'more empathetic'. - Kisame cleared his throat once, then again louder, making him flick his eyes to him in annoyance. " _What?_ " He snapped, though rather relieved the man had pulled him from the thoughts making his blood pressure start to raise.  
The man who was far to jovial to have just been suffering as much as he'd pretended a few moments ago didn't say anything, only tipped his head over to the left.  
He responded with a cold glare for a few heartbeats before reluctantly leaning over to peer around him. A man who looked to be even more impatient than himself sat on the bench with a child next to him who looked completley terrified. This wasn't what caught his attention though, it was the fact that the kid who couldn't be more than three or four had gray hair, with skin nearly as white as the bench they sat on. On the childs forehead was a very large bandage, and with the way the man was mumbing angrily under his breath and repeatedly checking his watch, Kakuzu's curiosity was peaked, or perhaps more appropriately, his suspicion.  
He and Kisame exchanged glances, apparently thinking the same thing, but he only turned down to look at his own watch and tried to push it from his mind, attempting to communicate how it was none of their concern by concentrating on the wall of the building across the street. You can't judge a scenario just by what you see.  
...Well that didn't mean they couldn't pay attention though. Frightning things happened to children in big cities, Kakuzu may be the 'anti-christ' but children were children.  
"Is mommy meeting us here?" The voice of the child brought him out of his thoughts and he tipped his head every so slightly to secretly get another glimpse of the strange kid, hidden mostly behind Kisame's hulking form.  
"For the fifth time Kid, we're just waiting for Tsunade to arrive on the bus to take you the rest of the way to your new home. Can't you just be quiet?"  
"I want mommy."  
"I don't know what to tell you kid, honestly. She's... not here anymore." The man finally seemed to realize the two men were standing there, giving them nervous glances and adjusting his clothing, checking his watch again, Kakuzu didn't break his stare.  
"Dammit why'd I do this... hate kids..." He mumbled under his breath, fidgeting.  
"Shit..." Kisame breathed out, also fidgeting slightly. "Should we do something?" He asked, nearly inaudible, brows raising in concern. Kakuzu finally snapped out of his trance and gave him a questioning look.  
Kisame was apparently attempting to communicate telepathically, making faces and gesturing toward the man and the boy. Kakuzu stared at him for a moment, both amused and annoyed with the man's attempt at subtlety, before rolling his eyes and shaking his head.  
The sound of the bus pulling around the corner made all four sets of eyes draw to it, and the man actually hopped up from his seat, threatening no one in particular that whoever he was waiting for better be on that bus.  
Kisame started taking a step toward the boy, hand outstretched to intervene and make sure everything was okay. Kakuzu grasped his shoulder to stop him in his tracks, pulling him back.  
"What the hell are you doing?" He whisper growled.  
"Kakuzu I know you don't care about human beings in general but this doesn't seem right, I just want to make sure it's not what it looks like." His friend replied quickly, trying to move toward the boy again.  
"Stop it." He said evenly, pulling him back. Kisame opened his mouth to argue but Kakuzu cut him off. "He's an orphan."  
The younger man's dark eyes went wide. "...Oh... I thought maybe-"  
"I'm aware of what you thought, you buffoon."  
"How do you know for sure?"  
Kakuzu remained quiet as the bus pulled up, the stranger practically hopping in place. He eyed each person emerging from the vehicle, until, the second to last person to leave, the woman being waited on stepped out, ignoring the angry rambling of the man to move to the boy kneeling in front of him, talking too gently for Kakuzu to understand over the rattling of the unkept city vehicle.  
"Just get on the bus, I refuse to be late because of you." He says to his friend, pushing him forward gently, being very sure as they passed not to make eye contact with any of them, most especially the child.  
It was none of his concern, he told himself, doing his best to ignore it, the feeling as if someone were prodding him with a pin on the inside. Feeling anything for a situation like that would lead to nothing but time wasted over something that couldn't be changed, and he wouldn't be so ignorant as to let himself be manipulated like that.  
Nice curve ball, life, but Kakuzu Hoku still took a base.  
They seated themselves, the bus left, and as they pulled away Kisame nearly pressed his face to the window to watch the woman walk off with the strange albino child, holding hands with her and looking absoloutly terrified while the woman smiled warmly.  
"Poor kid... That has to suck...."  
"He'll be fine."  
"I still feel bad. Wish there was some way to help."  
"Put a cork in your bleeding heart Kisame. It will save you a lot of wasted effort."  
The younger twisted to look at his friend suspiciously, Kakuzu intentionally avoided his stare. It didn't deterr him at all. "Kakuzu.... you're an orphan, aren't you?"  
He could only grind his jaw, trying to calm his sudden irrational anger. It was as if there were a splinter in his chest cavity. He pushed it away, it had been far too long since he'd lost control for him to do it again now over something so ridiculous.  
Kisame exhaled heavily and sat back in his seat. "Damn, that makes so much sense... Why did I never consider that before?"  
"It's no one's business where I came from." Kakuzu ground out. "All that matters is where you're going and how you're going to get there. Feeling sorry for that child will do nothing to help him, it'll just make him dependant and weak."  
Kisame stared at him, for once, his expression was unreadable.  
He stared back for a few seconds until still no reply came in the unbroken eye contact. "Well _what_? If you have something to say then come out with it!"  
"I just think that's the saddest thing I've ever heard... is all..."  
"What the hell are you on about?"  
Kisame shrugged, turning back to look out the window. "I dunno. Just... not letting yourself live so you can exist. "  
"Well... it's neccessary for success."  
"If you say so, my friend. I guess I have no say in the matter, really. It's just sad."  
"Life is sad. Get over it."

Silence dragged on between them until they were nearly to the hospital where Kakuzu would get off, leaving his friend to make his way back to his dorm on his own. As they pulled up, Kisame turned suddenly to him. "Hey Kakuzu, you ever think about your future after you get all your schooling done and get your own clinic set up like you want?"  
The elder man's brows creased. "Why would you ask something like that?"  
"I dunno, just thinking, you know, if I ever find the right girl, a good house, good job... I'd probably want a family..."  
"Well good for you Kisame. My stop is here, Don't call me again anytime soon unless you're dying."  
"You don't think you'd ever want kids? Not ever?"  
"No."  
"How can you be so sure."  
"Kisame..." Kakuzu sighed, running a hand over his head and smoothing the few bits of bangs that had come loose from his ponytail back in with the lot. his dense friend, he should know better by now, to ask such brainless questions. Oblivious fool. Obviously being direct wasn't working, he had no choice but to try it from another angle. "Can you even imagine me as a father?"  
The youngers eyes widened to saucers. "Oh God... Yeah you're probably right..."  
Kakuzu grit his teeth, resisting the urge to punch him like he deserved. At least it got the point across."Indeed. Now quit daydreaming and go attend to your studies."  
"But really though, you don't think maybe after you're successful and some years have passed that _just maybe_ you might consider adopting one of those poor kids? "  
"Children break too easily, Kisame." He said after a long sigh. How many times would he have to answer the same question until his oceanic friend was satisfied?  
"That's exactly my point, I mean... look how you turned out."  
"Watch it Hoshigaki." If he thought he wouldn't get smacked he certainly needed to go over his memory banks again.  
"I'm just saying. I don't know what you went through there that turned you from a normal person into.... this." He said, motioning, making Kakuzu's glare darken. "But I wouldn't mind at least trying to spare a kid that life."  
"You're ignorant if you take it so lightheartedly." Kakuzu snapped suddenly, finally fed up with this game.  
" _Trying_ you said. What the hell do you mean _trying_? Trying is worth nothing. This isn't a puppy you bring home and then when your house is destroyed and you haven't slept in a week you can just say ' _Well I tried_ ' and take it back. You won't be _sparing_ anything, you idiot. A child who's lost their parent is already broken. There's nothing to _try_ to _spare_ them from, it's already happened, all you can do is try to heal it, and if you _try_ and fail, all you do is break them again. If you're arrogant enough to think of it so simply as _trying to spare them_ a bad life by simply trying to make them fit into yours, I suggest you don't ever even have kids in the first place."  
Kisame stared at him with his mouth dropped open, face slack.  
"Geez man I'm sorry I didn't mean to hit a nerve-"  
"Well you did! Why can't you ever just take a damn hint and _shut up_." He growled, standing from the seat across the row and brushing the wrinkles from his clothes. "I'm going now, to my successful job in which I make enough money to support myself and have very few things to worry about, despite having to live through _that_ life, despite not being coddled like a fragile little piece of pottery."  
Kisame nodded vigorously, putting his hands up in surrender. "Alright Alright Message received! Damn, Might have to come with you and get my foot removed from my throat."  
"Don't you dare. You get your ass to that room of yours and do some damn _work_ for a change. Do yourself and I both a favor."  
"You got it. See you next time my friend!" Kisame said, saluting him with that big grin of his.  
Kakuzu only hmph'd at him and left the bus, giving the younger (still smiling and waving) man a glare and a nod as the vehicle pulled away.  
The nerve of some people, honestly. The world would be burning in hell the day Kakuzu Hoku took responsibility over the future of another human being like that.  
Shaking his head to push the whole last half hour from his mind, he turned and continued inside. He had no time for such things.

 

 

 

 

_I went out back and I got my gun_  
_I said, "You haven't met me, I am the only son"_

 

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> This was really, REALLY hard to write. Even harder to work up the courage to post. Just had to repeat that.  
> Thanks for reading.
> 
> (Edit; OH! The song I used is called Dust Bowl Dance- by Mumford and Sons.)


End file.
